My Goodness, These NBA Schedule Release Videos Are Weird

Last issue, I talked about how we’re in the “quiet” period of the NBA season.

The NBA Draft and major free agent moves are behind us, but the season doesn’t start for another couple of months, so there’s a bit of a lull.

Of course, the media can’t just talk about nothing. There’s still airtime to fill, newsletters to write, and talking heads to yell things.

That’s why the release of the NBA schedule has become such a spectacle. We have barely anything else going on, so the thought of MATCHUPS gets us excited.

While I understand the hype over, say, opening night or Christmas Day games, the idea of a schedule release is largely a silly one.

Every team plays every other team multiple times. Unless you’re very specifically going to be out of town during a certain timeframe—perhaps you’re attending the Ivrea Battle of the Oranges in Italy—and need to know what games you’ll miss, there’s quite the “hurry up and wait” feeling around a schedule release.

However, that doesn’t stop teams from acting like it’s a huge deal. And they go all out to announce the news. Here are some of the more unique celebrations.

The Golden State Warriors Have Children Analysts

 

The Warriors are the defending champs, so maybe their roster is still out celebrating (or at least relaxing).

In their place, the team has hired a bunch of children to break down the new schedule.

Kudos to getting a Ring Pop cameo in there within the first 30 seconds.

The Atlanta Hawks Feature a Lot of Mouths

Remember the 2005 Nelly song “Grillz”? It featured Paul Wall, Ali, and Gipp and included the hook “rob the jewelry store and tell ’em make me a grill.”

Apparently, the Atlanta Hawks were listening to this song recently.

This whole video is a close-up of mouths with different teams and dates. At least everyone seems to have pretty good teeth?

The San Antonio Spurs’ Coyote Mascot Spins Tunes

This video mainly reminds me of my usual Spotify playlists—eclectic.

Occasionally, when I attend Austin Spurs games, the San Antonio Spurs coyote comes up and serves as a double mascot along with the Austin bull (because the team used to be called the Toros…it did make sense, at one point).

Anyway, the Spurs coyote is WILDLY incompetent during the Austin games. It will hit a drum and be erratically off the beat, it will trip over its own feet, and it will lose sight of the action on the court.

It’s how I imagine I would fare if I were stuffed in a hairy suit like that, and I love it. Let’s get more clumsy mascots out there!

The Denver Nuggets Travel the Oregon Trail

This might be my favorite one of the bunch. Then again, I’m a glutton for punishment and ain’t no better punishment than the Oregon Trail.

Because this is Denver, it’s a differently named trail, but the spirit is still the same.

There are some extra fun gags in here. Nikola Jokic wearing a headband after his great headband performance gets a nod, and an option to travel to Phoenix includes a line about being out of sunscreen.

I have felt that pain before, and it BURNS.

The Dallas Mavericks Throw a Puppy Party

The Dallas Mavericks notably have a horse logo, so perhaps it’s no surprise that their schedule release video is full of…dogs?

I think this is trying to be an homage to Zoolander, but your guess is as good as mine.

In any case, Theo Pinson serves as a photographer for a bunch of cute pups, all dressed in theatrical accouterments.

Want more stylish dogs? The Oklahoma City Thunder have you covered.

Oh, and if you’re curious about the full league schedule, check it out here.