Predictions for All-Star Weekend

There’s a LOT that goes on during All-Star Weekend.

Sure, you have the All-Star Game itself on Sunday. But before that, there’s the Slam Dunk Contest, 3-Point Shootout, Skills Challenge, Rising Stars, and Celebrity Game.

There are also random things like an Adam Silver press conference, a pre-game practice, and a real college basketball game between Grambling and Southern.

The NBA even used to have H-O-R-S-E as an event. It was not good.

You could probably do better things with your weekend than watch the entirety of these events. But just in case, here are predictions for some of the big ones.

Janelle Monae wins Celebrity Game MVP

The Celebrity Game usually features a bunch of celebrities of various levels of recognizability who are average basketball players (at best). Each team usually gets a WNBA player and a former NBA player, as well.

Most participants seem to be doing their best to not break a sweat. A handful act like this is their Super Bowl.

Janelle Monae most recently dazzled viewers in Glass Onion, and now she’s bringing her smooth moves to the basketball court.

I predict an 8-for-11 performance for 19 points, 6 assists, and 4 steals.

Also, there will be at least 56 combined turnovers between the two teams.

Joakim Noah will get a technical foul (as a coach) in the Rising Stars competition

The Rising Stars competition is a chance for rookie and sophomore players to shine. Like last year, the event is a four-team tournament.

Deron Williams, Pau Gasol, and Joakim Noah will coach three teams of NBA players, while Jason Terry will lead a roster of the top G League talent.

As with the All-Star Game, very little defense is expected.

Once in Chicago, I took a Lyft with a driver who said he had given Joakim Noah and his trainer a ride. The man’s car was not large, it was like a Nissan Sentra or something.

Since Joakim Noah is nearly 7 feet tall, the only way both of them could fit was the trainer scrunched up into the front seat while Noah laid across the entire back row.

That’s a very comical image to me, and I hope it makes you smile, too.

Multiple players will miss at least three passes in a row during the Skills Challenge

The Skills Challenge brings us a trio of brothers (Giannis, Alex, and Thanasis Antetokounmpo), a handful of rookies (Paolo Banchero, Jabari Smith Jr., and Jaden Ivey), and three players from the Jazz (Jordan Clarkson, Walker Kessler, and Collin Sexton) because the game is in Utah.

When NBA All-Star Jam Session came to Los Angeles in 2011, I participated in this very competition (though it’s been modified a bit since then).

My time was 28.9 seconds. There’s shaky video proof of this.

The part that seems to trip people up (and even got me) is throwing a bounce pass through a circle. It’s fun watching NBA players struggle with skills you learn when you’re, like, six years old.

Damian Lillard will have the lowest score in the 3-Point Contest

I love me some Dame Time. He is a fantastically good basketball player. But oncourt success doesn’t always translate to 3-point contest success.

We’re more used to seeing Lillard hit incredibly difficult 35-footers over people to win basketball games. Now, he has to shoot regular, multicolor, AND corporate sponsor balls all in the span of 70 seconds? It’s a tough ask.

Bonus prediction: Julius Randle, a career 33.4% three-point shooter, will win the whole thing. But not if he shoots 33.4% in this competition.

You probably haven’t heard of everyone in the Dunk Contest

It’s wild to think previous dunk contests had legit stars like Michael Jordan and Dominique Wilkins competing.

Today, we…don’t have that. In fact, let’s look at the competitors:

• Kenyon “KJ” Martin Jr.
• Jericho Sims
• Trey Murphy III
• Mac McClung

Have you heard of all four of them? Could you name the teams they’re on?

But hey, maybe we’ll see some great creativity on display. I’m all for that.

The All-Star Draft will bring more highlights than the All-Star Game

Roughly an hour before the game, LeBron James and Giannis Antetokounmpo will select their teams.

It’s very much like picking teams for dodgeball in gym class, only these are professional athletes. Yet the potential for drama is high!

Who will be the last person picked? Will enemies end up on the same team? Will the NBA’s plan to have the reserves taken before the starters ruin the on-court action?

Lots of intrigue here. And then the game is pretty good, too.

Hope your weekend is — like All-Star Weekend — full of glory.