What’s Your Excuse?

During the end of the first half of our basketball game last week, there was an unusual chain of events.

A player on the opposing team called a timeout. He took about three steps before doing so (also known as a travel), but that’s beside the point.

The official granted him a timeout and said to put two seconds back on the clock. The scorekeeper replied, in a panicked voice, that he did not know how to do that.

Instead, he would use his phone to time the remainder of the half and then sound the horn when the two seconds were up.

Since this is a recreational league and not a professional venue, we were all totally fine with this decision.

On the ensuing inbounds play, the ball got tipped before the opposing player caught the ball (so the clock is already going). He then took a dribble, turned toward the basket, pump-faked, and shot the ball.

If you have a few seconds — or just want a stretching break — try doing this right now. Pretend you are running to the corner, catching a ball, dribbling, faking a shot, and then actually shooting it.

I bet this will take you longer than two seconds. It certainly would for me.

Never mind that the buzzer sounded before the player shot the ball. You know, because the scorekeeper was timing the play.

But the official counted the basket. His reasoning?

“Eh, I thought it was a nice play.”

This is perhaps the most bizarre rationale I’ve ever heard a basketball official make. That something was pretty cool means it should spit in the face of the rules?

No, no it should not. Yet that’s exactly what we witnessed here.

The official made an excuse for why something should count. And it made no sense.

Still, this bananas sequence made me wonder…what are some other excuses you could make that might help you out in your daily life? Let’s explore!

Loudly repeating the time

This is great for getting out of a conversation with someone, particularly if you’re not suave about saying, “hey, this has been a lovely chat, but it’s time for me to leave.”

Instead, while someone is droning on about their latest crypto purchase or yet another story about their rec league basketball game, kindly interrupt them and ask for the time. It doesn’t matter if you have a watch or phone on you.

When they tell you, repeat it in a shrill voice. You can either stammer out a “I gotta go!” or just do a 180 and speed away.

For example, if they say it’s 9:30, you go, “NINE THIRTY?!” and hightail outta there.

“Ugh, I’ve got a plumbing issue at home.”

Pipes burst, toilets leak, water tanks stop working…no matter what it is, any kind of plumbing issue is not a fun time.

What’s doubly sneaky about this one is that, technically, “plumbing” has multiple meanings. You might just simply have a bit of a stomachache or need to take a trip to the toilet.

But no one wants to be the person who questions your bowel movements, and then it turns out you really DO have something wrong with the pipes.

So, they’ll say something sympathetic and you can be on your way.

“Be right back. I gotta curl up in a ball and cry.”

I had a brief bout of Internet virality this year when I made a video about the best places to cry in Austin.

It’s been a rough year/decade/life, depending on your outlook.

That’s what makes this excuse such a believable one. No one will be skeptical about your need to weep because we’ve all been through it.

And the “be right back” is just a courtesy. People will assume you’ll get back to them sometime in the next 15 minutes to eight years.

“I’m busy reading A Chronicle of Ancient Sunlight.”

This book by Henry Williamson is one of the longest ever published.

It clocks in at a whopping 6,062 pages and 2,436,924 words. Could you imagine if this email was that long?

I couldn’t, because I’d pass out like 1/219th of the way there.

In fact, this seems like a perfect amount of words to stop at. May your excuses be full of mirth and believability, this week and always.